大家觉得这个作文怎么样 求指点！

您好，这篇文章有几处可以优化：

第一句）As the picture suggest, a boy, comfortably lying in his sofa, preaches that he wouldn't act unless the dealine had been at hand, whereas the girl, standing in stark contrast to the first, is being dedicated to her missions, which makes her reassured, offering a thought provoking comparison between two habits to accomplish tasks.

1）这里的的男孩子应该是（与现在事实相反的虚拟场景），所以使用虚拟语气时，需要用到二类条件句的与现在事实相反，所以应该改成 ... preaches that he wouldn't act unless the deadline were at hand, ...（虚拟语气用 were），过去完成时是（与过去事实相反的虚拟场景）；

2）... is being dedicated to her missions 用的是（现在进行时）的（被动语态），女孩子是主动学习，而不是被动学习，所以应该直接用（主动语态），改成 is dedicating herself to her missions ...

3）between two habits to accomplish tasks 建议使用 of 这个从属介词 把 habits 和 accomplish tasks 连接在一起产生从属关联，between two habits of accomplishing tasks.  这里的 habits 还可以用更高深的词汇 mentality，habits 指的是习惯，而 mentality 指的是心态，思维；也就是 habits 是外在的行为，而 mentality 是内在的导向，mentality 的不同直接导致了外在行为的不同；

第二句）Simple as it looks, the
cartoon implicitly indicates that taking actions as early as possible is
preferable to delaying when we are confronted with tasks, raising a
deeper question: why initiative is advisable?

1）as early as possible 可以考虑改成 in advance，更高端些；再者 early 后面用到了，尽量避免重复使用同一个单词，除非使用了不同的词性；

2）... confronted with cumbersome tasks, ... 添加了 cumbersome 体现出了（缓慢复杂的），此时（提早准备和提早开始）和（缓慢的）成了很亮丽的对比；

3）... why initiative is instrumental? 原句的 advisable 译为【明智的】，表建议，而建议无法体现这么做的重要性，改成了 instrumental（译为【其重要作用的，至关重要的】）可以加强之前的语气；

第三句）A variety of factors may
contribute to it, and the primary cause, which is the benefit, is that
the earlier you begin to do, the more time you get to better your
perfomance.

1）... may contribute to it 中的 it 不清楚，不知道代指前面的哪一个，是男孩子的行为，女孩子的行为，还是两个人的思维差距，还是两个人的习惯，或是这种现象的产生，或是所导致的结果，或是前一句的提问 "why initiative is advisable"。所以这里最好表明，避免产生误解，尤其是后面写了 benefit，表示是好处，但因为 it 不知道代指什么，也就很难知道 benefit 是谁的 benefit 了。由于后面指的是（越早开始，就有更多的时间可以优化结果），所以和（女孩子的行为）比较匹配【这是个人的理解】。所以可以考虑 A variety of factors may offer some explanations to this question, ...

2）... but the primary cause ... 【不考虑第一点，把 and 改成 but，起到（尽管……，但……）的语气；

个人建议这一句可以改成：A variety of factors may offer some explanations to this question, but the idea that the earlier you begin to do something, the more time you will get to better your performance would be the primary concern and the most beneficial.（that 引导同位语从句）

第四句）Also, as the saying goes:
talking mends no holes, another equally crucial factor, which is the
feasibility, is that, now that you were occupied with nothing but
relaxation, it would be all you can do to set out early.

1）... no holes, another equally .... 这里会被判断为（断句），因为句子有两个独立的结构，无法只用（逗号）连接在一起；需要改成独立句了；

2）... were occupied .... set out early 这一段没明白想要表达的语气和思维；还有从 now 开始到句尾和 feasibility 的关联也没有看明白；

第五句）From what has been
discussed, we may reasonably arrive at the conclusion that accomplishing
tasks as soon as possible does play a vital role in daily life, and put
us in a better position to build our rosy future, which is comprised of
countless well completed tasks.

1）文章体现了两种概念，1个是（越早开始，就有更多的时间……），另一个是（尽早完成任务），尽管两个概念没有冲突，但体现的概念是不同的，（越早开始，就有更多的时间……）体现的是（开头），而（尽早完成任务）体现的是（结尾），时间段的强调不同，而文章中没有把这两个概念作出关联。建议添加比如（... the earlier you begin to do something, the more time you will get to better your performance, thus accomplishing the tasks in a satisfactory way ...）

2）be comprised of something 译为【组成；构成；包括】，通常指的是（平面，同等重要的），而文章体现的时（叠加的层次感）和（因果挂钩），比如（早开始）才有（足够的时间优化……），有了（足够的时间优化……）才可以（提早完成），这些环节是（因果关系），是 be comprised of something 无法体现出来的；可以考虑改成 ... which is built on countless well planned and completed tasks. build 这个单词有体现出层次感和叠加作用；但因为前面已经用了 to build our rosy future 所以就不能再次使用，可以考虑改成 constructed upon。句子改成 .... and put us in a better position to build our rosy future, which is constructed upon countless well planned and completed tasks.  contruct（建造）有（事先规划，依次建造，最终完成）的概念，就像盖房子那样，会体现出三维的概念，这个是 comprise 无法做到的。

文章写得不错，不过其中用了一些没有经过变化而又常用的一些（范本）句型，会给人一种（很规范，中规中矩）的感觉。比如第一句的开头：As the picture suggests, 可以考虑多样化，比如改成 As the picture depicts / As the picture indicates / As the picture shows / As the picture illustrates / As the picture protraits ... 等。尽管不是很确定写这篇文章的用意，但假如是考试用的，那么考官可能一天内会读很多篇文章，而大家又习惯使用范文，或是范本来练习。假如一位考官每天都需要改1000篇文章，每篇文章不超过1分钟，表示需要连续近17个小时改作文，这很容易产生（审美疲劳），然后大家都是 As the picture suggests, 作开头，分数就会越给越低了。再来就是文章使用的定语从句，同样的格式使用了多次，没有太多的变化，也会产生（审美疲劳）的。最后，希望这些建议可以帮到您。