大家帮忙看看我的短篇，并给出一点修改意见
时间: 2021-11-23 16:02:55 | 来源: 喜蛋文章网 | 编辑: admin | 阅读: 104次
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有没有写作文高手？看看我这个很短的文章，可以怎样帮我改一下吗？
我出生1992年。从2006年我15岁就不上学了。家里不让我上学啊。当年满分750分，我考了687分。2007年我在厂里上了一年班。2008年我就开始在网上卖东西。白天在厂里上班。晚上我在网上卖东西。到了2021年，我19岁那一年我赚了16.8万元人民币。很多事情我想想满满的都是泪呀。2021年过后，我每天还是在厂里上班。到了2021年。我在网上卖化妆品。卖面膜。那一年我用了九个月的时间，赚了187万人民币。每天衣服还要在洗衣房里洗。没有老婆也没有女朋友。回家相亲相了一个丑八怪。还被人家骗了。浪费了我很多钱。钱已经没有多少了。一气之下我玩游戏充了很多钱。花掉的加在一起好多年。差不多玩游戏花掉110万。从2021年的下半年一直到现在。我一直都没有钱。不知还要多久才能变成有钱人。好难过好伤心啊！书信？
写给谁的书信？
这是考试题目还是什么竞赛题目？
有没有给材料
写给谁的书信？
这是考试题目还是什么竞赛题目？
有没有给材料
李纨 素云、碧月
用敬辞,谦辞写短信。要求内容符合情境。情境：你写了一篇文章，想让老师帮忙看一下，并提出宝贵意见，
用敬辞,谦辞写短信。要求内容符合情境。n情境：你写了一篇文章，想让老师帮忙看一下，并提出宝贵意见，修改，并且盼望老师的回音。 150字左右余才思浅陋，还望您不吝赐教
大家帮忙看看这篇英语小短文有没有错误，如有错误，请改正。
My favorite food is potatoes. Because they are delicious and cheap. I usually each other eat potatoes, so MOM and dad called me potatoes sister. Eat potatoes are my happy things. My potatoes but best eats and does not mind, is to let me eat potatoes for three meals a day, Ix27m tired of eating. There is a saying say: “The world is boundless, eat most" Different people like different food. Strange to tell, delicacies, delicious food, there are a lot of people love to eat, and I just like to eat potatoes.My favorite food is potato because it is delicious and cheap.(土豆是一种食物，不用复数哦，亲～～）I usually eat potato a lot, so mum and dad call me "potato girl".(这里只是帮你加一下引号，名字不喜欢的话自己改）Eating potato is my happiest thing. (后面一句真心不知道你要说什么。。。）There is a saying goes "Big heads and small potatoes"(说的是人会很自傲，就像土豆头很大却都很平凡，你的那句谚语有点偏。。。）Although potato is such an ordianry food that some people even don't want to try it, I just like to eat potato.
My favorite food is potatoes. Because they are delicious and cheap. 正确
I usually eat potatoes, so mom and dad call me potato sister. I really enjoy eating potatoes. My dream is to eat potatoes for three meals a day. There is a saying ,
“The world is boundless, eat most" Different people like different food. 正确
Strange to tell, delicacies, delicious food, there are a lot of people love to eat, and I just like to eat potatoes.正确
你的作文整体上挺不错的，需要注意中式英语的问题。开头和结尾都很好，中间我帮你更改了几个病句，你看一下还有么有需要追问的。O(∩_∩)O~
I usually eat potatoes, so mom and dad call me potato sister. I really enjoy eating potatoes. My dream is to eat potatoes for three meals a day. There is a saying ,
“The world is boundless, eat most" Different people like different food. 正确
Strange to tell, delicacies, delicious food, there are a lot of people love to eat, and I just like to eat potatoes.正确
你的作文整体上挺不错的，需要注意中式英语的问题。开头和结尾都很好，中间我帮你更改了几个病句，你看一下还有么有需要追问的。O(∩_∩)O~
可以这么像以下那么改动以下，仅供参考：
My favorite food is potato.It's delicious and cheap. We usually eat potato together , so mom and dad call me potato-sister. Eating potato make me happy.However, please don't think that I can eat it all the time. If I take it as my only food for three continuous meals in a day, I'm sure to be tired of eating. There is a saying: "The world is boundless, eat most" .Different people like different food. It is strange that in all delicacies I just like potato.
祝进步！
My favorite food is potato.It's delicious and cheap. We usually eat potato together , so mom and dad call me potato-sister. Eating potato make me happy.However, please don't think that I can eat it all the time. If I take it as my only food for three continuous meals in a day, I'm sure to be tired of eating. There is a saying: "The world is boundless, eat most" .Different people like different food. It is strange that in all delicacies I just like potato.
祝进步！
My favorite food is potatoes应该是My favorite foods are potatoes。
Eat potatoes are my happy things应该是 Eating potatoes is my happy thing。
我个人觉得应该这样改，应该还有别的错误。
Eat potatoes are my happy things应该是 Eating potatoes is my happy thing。
我个人觉得应该这样改，应该还有别的错误。
帮忙看看这些英语短文该怎么修改一下 有加分哦~！
复试英语面试的短文 英语高手帮忙修改一下啊 答得好还有加分哦~！！rn谢谢各位高手~！！rnrn2.考研原因 (reasons for my choice) rnThere are several reasons. ,rnFirst I like the Chinese medicine profession . Chinese medicine is an important part of Traditional Chinese culture. It has a long history.rnSecond,my father is a Doctor of Chinese medicine. Under the influence of his, I want to learn more about this profession.and to be a good doctor .rnThirdly, I think further study is still urgent for me to realize self-value. Life is precious. It is necessary to seize any chance for self-development, especially in this competitive modern world. rnrnIn a word, I am looking forward to making a solid foundation for future profession after two years study here. rnrn3.研究生期间你的计划 (plans in the postgraduate study) rnIf I had the chance to study in this university. I will try my best to learn the school curriculum.in the spare time,I will read a lot of books about chinese medicine . Take good advantage of internship opportunities . If possible, I will go on with my study for doctorate degree.rn4 .介绍你的家乡(about hometown) rnI am from 秦皇岛 , a famous tourist city. Located in the northeast of Hebei Province, the first national coastal open cities.it is also The only city named after a emperor. For now, it is a famous port city in northern China. 2008 Beijing Olympic Games ‘ co-host city. Qinhuangdao, known as the "back garden of Beijing and Tianjin"reputation. With the Great Wall, coastal, eco-tourism resources such as good. There is my beloved hometown. rn5.你的家庭(about family) rnThere are five members in my family; my parents, my brother ,my sister and me. My father is a doctor. He oftenworks late. So most of the housework is done by my industrious mom. My sister works in Personnel departmentrnin 西安。My brother is In the Russian school. We rarely together.So I miss them a lot. During my prepareing for coming here,my parents’ support have always been my power.and I hope I wil be able to repay them in the future. rn6.你的大学(about university) rnHebei University of Engineering is built by central and local governments, on a local-based colleges and universities of Hebei Province. The school has a bachelorx27s, master level personnel training system. At present there are 13 colleges and two teaching departments. Academic Degrees Committee of the State Council in 2000 approved a masterx27s degree can apply to carry out equivalent staff units. In 2003 the Ministry of Education has recommended approval of the exemption for the outstanding graduate Undergraduates units. 2005, approved by the State Council Academic Degrees Committee of Master of Engineering Graduate units. With honors in 2007 by the Ministry of Education undergraduate teaching level evaluation.1. First I like the Chinese medicine profession .
Second,my father is a Doctor of C
>change to : Firstly,.........Secondly,....
2. Under the influence of his,
> c t: influence by him
3. If I had the chance to study in this university.
> CT: if i have the chance.....
4. I am from 秦皇岛 , a famous tourist city. Located in the northeast of Hebei Province, the first national coastal open cities.
>CT: my hometown is QinHuangDao, it is a national coastal opening city which located in the northeast of Hebei Province.
5. For now
>CT: at present
6. there are five members in my family; my parents, my brother ,my sister and me.
>ct: there are five members in my family: my parents, brother, sister and me.
7. So most of the housework is done by my industrious mom. My sister works in Personnel department
>ct: so , most of the houseworks are done by nanny. My sister works in a Personal Department.
I found lots of grammar and the word class problems in your assignment. I suggest you had better to check up more carefully. other wise, I found that you seems to use Chinese to translate directly, this is not accepted in English assignment. Anyway, I think you really do a good job, at lease not too many student can write such a long essay. keep going.
Second,my father is a Doctor of C
>change to : Firstly,.........Secondly,....
2. Under the influence of his,
> c t: influence by him
3. If I had the chance to study in this university.
> CT: if i have the chance.....
4. I am from 秦皇岛 , a famous tourist city. Located in the northeast of Hebei Province, the first national coastal open cities.
>CT: my hometown is QinHuangDao, it is a national coastal opening city which located in the northeast of Hebei Province.
5. For now
>CT: at present
6. there are five members in my family; my parents, my brother ,my sister and me.
>ct: there are five members in my family: my parents, brother, sister and me.
7. So most of the housework is done by my industrious mom. My sister works in Personnel department
>ct: so , most of the houseworks are done by nanny. My sister works in a Personal Department.
I found lots of grammar and the word class problems in your assignment. I suggest you had better to check up more carefully. other wise, I found that you seems to use Chinese to translate directly, this is not accepted in English assignment. Anyway, I think you really do a good job, at lease not too many student can write such a long essay. keep going.
我还是个初一的学生，看不懂那么多....
First ---To start with
Second -----Secondly 以后的都加LY
influence of his----his great influence
to be a good doctor----后加个like my father
making a solid foundation for ---laying a solid foundation of
I will read a lot of books about chinese medicine . Take good advantage of internship opportunities 这是一句话 中加and take...
Located in the northeast of Hebei Province, the first national coastal open cities不是一完整句子 在the first 前 加my hometown is
自己写的 加点分？
Second -----Secondly 以后的都加LY
influence of his----his great influence
to be a good doctor----后加个like my father
making a solid foundation for ---laying a solid foundation of
I will read a lot of books about chinese medicine . Take good advantage of internship opportunities 这是一句话 中加and take...
Located in the northeast of Hebei Province, the first national coastal open cities不是一完整句子 在the first 前 加my hometown is
自己写的 加点分？
我想写一篇东东，已经写了一点，大家帮我看看，有什么可取之处，有什么不好的地方，故事的情节如何
文章如下：rn 我要用爱融化你rn “如果我现在在心中对你说：我喜欢你。你会听得到吗？”rn “你为什么总是把爱藏在心里，为什么总是让我等你呢？”rn ——1——rn 高三那年过得昏昏沉沉，最后的几天像是在火炉上挣扎一般。小凡终于考上自己理想的大学，自然感到一丝清凉萦绕在心间。rn 盼望了很久，这所大学就屹立在自己面前，小凡舔着冰淇淋站在门前向内望去。圣远大学是很有名气的，据说校园里的梧桐和银杏林最为有名。rn 小凡痴痴地望着，不觉手中的冰淇淋已化掉了不少，滴到了她纤细的手指上、地上。这时只见一个高高个子的男生从她身边走过，小凡注意到了他，他长的白白净净的。虽说很高，但脸上似乎还透露出几分未脱的稚气。他身材修长而挺拔，眉宇之间透露出一股英气。rn 此时，那英俊帅气的男孩也注意到了小凡，他优雅的向她投来一束温柔的目光，并且对她微笑。小凡一怔，待他缓过神来，那男孩已经在学校尽头消失了。rn 小凡已经意识到自己的狼狈模样，也不在多想那微笑的含义。又在那一瞬间，她被震撼住了，那男孩好像她以前的好朋友，不能说长相相差不远，只是有些神似。还不错嘛，我跟上面那几位有同感哦！
对人物的外貌描写的清淡而又深刻
细节描写多点会更好，因为是开始，所以写得有深度，有可观性，才会吸引大众的眼球。
题材要新颖，情节需多波折
祝你成功。。。！！
对人物的外貌描写的清淡而又深刻
细节描写多点会更好，因为是开始，所以写得有深度，有可观性，才会吸引大众的眼球。
题材要新颖，情节需多波折
祝你成功。。。！！
应该说还不错,词语用的还好.如果是要写长篇的话,你应该有充分的想像.其中的故事情节要匪夷所思,要跌宕起伏一点,如果出书的话,我想应该有很高的出售率.一定要通知我.谢谢.
要是长篇，还说得过去，短篇就显得太拖沓……有点像写网络言情的样子，个人观点。
文字不错有点味道，如果结局让读者猜不到结果就更好了，加由！如果出了 这本书要第一个通知我哦！
似曾相识吗？
是不是准备写小说啊？还是个人亲身经历啊！
是不是准备写小说啊？还是个人亲身经历啊！
hai hao
文章标题: 大家帮忙看看我的短篇，并给出一点修改意见
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